AkaiShizuku

I think relationships are likely the most complicated part of the human experience. I also don't believe in "soul mates", fate, or any other metaphysical bullshit.

There are so many variables involved with whether or not two people are compatible that it seems impossible to accurately calculate.

I've also had an epiphany: the people I see on the streets, on the bus, and around the city who are a part of a relationship do not necessarily have what I coveted and hoped to build with my past relationships. They don't necessarily have or even want a long-term partnership, a strong emotional bond, or even common interests. A lot of people are perfectly fine with short term relationships or even just fucking around.

I guess there's still a lot I don't know about people and myself.

Life is way too short to dwell on negativity, you know?

Life is too short for a lot of things, actually. I've got a list:

• Sorrow
• Loneliness
• Butthurt
• Hate
• Uptight attitudes
• Religion & other spiritual pipe dreams
• Bad decisions
• Wasted time

It's been years since I last posted anything here. Well, I'm back, and MAN am I a different person than I used to be. I look back at my old writing from when I was a teenager, and it looks so cheesy to me now. I've got a career going now, I started living my life for ME and not for a fictional being in the sky, and I feel a lot better about myself and the world around me.

I'll be going through my work and deleting the shittiest of what I find there. I'll be leaving up my past journal entries for posterity and to learn from my mistakes.

So, here's the straight skinny about what's changed in the echo-filled space between my ears:

• While I strongly believe that communism as envisioned by Marx is entirely possible in theory and the most efficient, humane and life-promoting way to run society, I also don't think humanity is ready for it (or worth it). People are scum. When people aren't scum, even those who stand to gain the most from a global redistribution of wealth are very hard to mobilize; and why shouldn't they be? When you ask someone to become a revolutionary, you are asking them to change their lifestyle and dedicate it to the cause...or die for it. One could rebut this apologism by mentioning that people are too weak and lazy for change. I wouldn't argue with that. I'm not going to write a wall of text; long story short, I won't be doing anything political anymore. Besides the above, why is that? Well, that leads to my next point...
• I've become a more selfish person in general, too selfish to live the revolution when I and the rest of my generation probably won't even live long enough to see it occur. 
• I've forsaken Islam entirely in favor of LaVeyan Satanism. As I mentioned earlier, I live my life for me. 
• My new focus on life is spending my limited time on this beautiful planet on self-improvement, as well as my own pleasures, interests, comforts, and personal goals. 

I'm making this note to clarify on something from my last note. I don't hate all police. I think we need police. However, my problem is with the police as they currently stand. As a communist, I believe that as long as we live in a statist society, we will need police. The thing is, police are supposedly obligated to serve and protect the people...contrary to common belief, it seems, the police only serve and protect the interests of the rich. Police powers seem to go to the highest bidder. The police do not at all act within democratic process; they do as they are ordered by the bourgeoisie without question.

The police should serve and protect the people in a democratic manner. The interests of the police should be synonymous with the interests of the people. However, no matter what the people want, the police will still line up in those fucking rows to block tens of thousands of people who want change...to block them from going up to those 20 dictators and stopping their downright horrific plans. The police are biting the hand that feeds them and contributing to their own suffering as the plans of the G20 unfold. I used to think that police are people too, but...I don't see it anymore. I can't see those armor-clad thugs as human anymore. I can only see them as mindless tools of the state who will do what is ordered regardless of what those orders actually are.

In summary, I think we need police. The police should protect and serve the people in a democratic manner; then and only then, would the police truly be the heroes that the right-wing propaganda says they are. Police as they stand today are hired thugs with no minds of their own, whose loyalty is to the wealthy minority and not the majority. It has never been clearer that there is no democracy here. We are slowly slipping into fascism, and it is up to the people to continue protesting to prevent it. Once the populace is educated and aware...maybe then we'll have a chance to be free. Maybe then we can revolutionize. Maybe then we can have police who we can shake hands with in the street and love as our brothers and sisters in humanity. Maybe then we can have police who are of the people.

I went to the G20 protest yesterday. Cops were everywhere. The pigs were beating peaceful protesters in the streets and shooting people with rubber bullets. Toronto is under fascism. I just called my friend and one of our comrades was suddenly arrested at random; he was just sitting at a table and talking. The cops are causing way more damage than the black bloc guys ever did...fuck the police.